J.Crew and All Things Peeeenk

Chinos. Huh. Jennifer Aniston can totally pull them off, but.... yeeah, when I wear them I kind of look a little like I should be on the LPGA tour. Or driving a UPS truck. Same with this pair. And the other four. [sigh] Wait, if I had a kelly green visor or a dark brown baseball hat, this could definitely be a costume. File with Halloween ideas.

Wow, if I was in the ARMY, these cargo pants could be really cute. Hmmm... I wonder if anyone in the armed forces ever ponders whether or not they look cute in their camo. Camo... Cami... I'm sure the women in the forces have to wear regulation camis, if they do in fact wear camis. Which I doubt. Not sure what purpose a cami would serve during wartime. I can't even make the cami look work for me during dinnertime. I really should get rid of my maternity one... it's just that it fits me so well...

Will ruffles still be in in a few months? Are they now? And now that I'm "over 40", should I really be rockin the ripped jeans? Should anyone? This lighting absolutely perfectly highlights all of my gray hairs. Is this the same wattage they use in operating rooms?

[sigh]

~ Jen's inner monologue, J.Crew, Friday evening

The above "conversation" is simply a tiny peek into the innerworkings of my desperately-in-need-of-a-personal-shopper mind. While I would love to breeze into a store and flit through the racks, grabbing a totally of-the-moment top here, plucking the perfectly fashionable shoes there, it ain't happening. Number one reason being my lack of fashion funds, and number two being my inability to figure out "What the hell, exactly, is my personal style?" (With number 3 very faintly whispering to me, "jeans and a tee... jeans and a tee..." Shhhh, Sybil! Jen can't wear that every day!)

With regard to aforementioned reasons 1 and 2 (OK, 3, you too), I must mention my complicated relationship with J.Crew. I have, on numerous occasions, stepped through the gates into this holy ground while simultaneously realizing that every piece of clothing I have on, down to my toes, is from J.Crew. So embarassing to me. I always figure the clerks are whispering something to eachother like, "Courtney, look! Here she is again. She's all duded up in the 2004 Fall line. And it's March. 2010. Doesn't she shop anywhere else? And what's with the grosgrain flip-flops? Even we don't wear those..." (etc. etc.)

[Aside: In the carnival that is my mind, each store has clerks with hushed conversations of an entirely different nature. Where J.Crew leans more toward preppy-slash-judgemental, I sense that people who work for places like Banana Republic and Kate Spade engage in secret banter of a more sinister nature.]

For my recent birthday, my husband had ordered a J.Crew watch for me which, unfortunately, didn't arrive in time for the big day. As an apology, along with a free watchband and $100 gift card from JC, I was also presented with 18 long-stemmed pink roses in a beautiful vase by none other than a manager from the local store that very evening. She drove 20 minutes from Estero and delivered the three items to my doorstep! It was like the "Perfect Storm" of J.Crew presents. A trifecta of preppy love gifts. A madras hat trick of treats. Jockeys were paddling through 20-foot swells with hockey sticks just to ensure that my birthday was happy and that my love for J.Crew would endure. And it has...

Though now I have three gift cards (two priors, in addition to the one from JC) burning a hole in my ripped jeans (making said hole less noticeable, but I still know it's there) for way too long! I feel pressure to find just the right clothing item/s that will change my entire wardrobe from "I could be a man and get away with wearing this" to something just a bit more feminine and fashionable...

Time to time, I'll look through the catalog with Lila and AJ and ask them, "What would look pretty on Mommy?" I get absolutely zero useful fashion advice from them. (I know, weird, right?) I think AJ inherently knows this is an odd question for a 2-1/2-year-old boy to be asked. He usually stands strong behind his answer of, "two brownies and a napkin." Though that may very well be what Lady Gaga is wearing to the Oscars tonight, it's not going to work for me. Even if it did, J.Crew does not feature this ensemble on its pages. And even if they did, I'm sure it would be labeled something like silk chocolate bikini with seersucker panties for $120.

Lila, on the other hand, will at least make an effort to give me some solid fashion tips. But her advice always, with lots of excitement and without fail, involves pink. Rather, "peeeenk". I swear, no matter how much blue and green, white and tan I try to dress her up in, she is a steadfast lover of all things pink. Such a girlie-girl. I never knew how much the girlie-girl deal was a nature (versus nurture) thing until I met my daughter. It's all about the flowers and the babies and the jewelry and the accessorizing. And the peeeenk. I truly believe that, while Lila was still a little soul waiting for her parents to meet and to get their life in order before she decided upon the perfectly peeeenk day to be born, she was helping Trista and Ryan plan their wedding. In December 2003, as Lila was whispering to me from above, "Don't worry, mama, my brother and I will come soon enough to make your life complete," she was also whispering to the former Bachelorette, "Peeeenk dresses, peeeenk chairs, peeeenk cake... More peeeenk!"

So. I am witnessing first-hand that personal style starts very early on. I guess mine did, as well... I have always been a casual jeans girl, come to think of it... Hmm, perhaps the next time I peruse the aisles of my favorite store, I will finally bite the bullet and hand over the gift cards in return for a pair of jeans and some chinos. Oh, and definitely something pink.

Happy Oscars Night!