Playing Goalie



Saugatuck Island - Westport, CT (12/31/10)



res•o•lu•tion (re-ze-‘lü-shen) n. 1 - finding a solution to a problem; 2 - a decision to do something or to behave in a certain manner.

goal (gōl) n. 1 - the end toward which effort is directed; 2a - an area or object toward which players in various games attempt to advance a ball or puck and usually through or into which it must go to score points; 2b – the act or action of causing a ball or puck to go through or into such a goal; 2c - the score resulting from such an act.

“Set goals, not resolutions” ~ lululemon athletica

So, I saw this quote while rushing past a lululemon store this holiday season, and it made me pause and think for a bit in the midst of all of the Christmas crazy: “What’s the difference between a New Year’s goal and a New Year’s resolution?” My toddler-toting, nerd self was perplexed. (It reminds me of a scene from “Friends” which found Joey confused after being corrected for his mispronunciation of the word supposedly. “Supposedly? Supposably. Supposably!” he concluded to himself, resolutely.)

I must admit that I, too, am digging the positivity of Goal, versus Resolution. When comparing definitions, alone, I see the words problem and behave for one, and yet advance and score for the other… Seriously, what is better than the feeling you get when you finally gain control of the ball and kick it through those white posts? In the truly literal sense, as sweeper for my high school soccer team, I did finally manage to get a goal after three years on the team (Zero to nil sweepers do!), and experienced such utter euphoria, it was magical. The fact that this feeling of elation lasted for only about three-and-a-half seconds until that horrific fourth second when I realized the goal I kicked was for the other team is neither here nor there. Shit. Whatever. Be it ever-fleeting, I felt the power of achieving a goal. So that’s it, I’m picking goals. (Resolution, don’t worry. I will save you for the hopeful end-result of AJ and Lila’s next smackdown over who gets to pick the movie/better slice of pizza/”cooler parent of the night” for tuck-in/etc. I will need you for all of those times, and perhaps for the next 15 years ‘til the monkeys go to/consider/berate/eschew college. And then maybe for my eventual midlife crisis. Carry on.)

And though I know I'm beating a dead horse here by continuing with the soccer metaphor (sorry, PETA), just one more thing: Who's my goalie? Who's going to block the goals I want to achieve? Am I that goalie? If so... If I'm the only one who's going to stop me from achieving what I know is what's best for me (because why would/should it be anyone else?), then I'm in good shape. I've proven I suck at defense. 'Nuff said.

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• I'm going to get in shape. While getting into shape usually goes hand-in-hand with losing weight, my ultimate goal is not to drop pounds. I did that, way back when, and got down to 114. It was odd: I received so many compliments on how great I looked, and yet all I wanted to say was, "Oh, it must be the depression from my divorce. Or maybe the fact that, due to my recent financial situation, I had to decide between giving the last can of tuna to my cats or to me last night, and the cats won. Or, perhaps I'm skinny because I've got no one to make me so happy that I want to sing from the rooftops, drink a margarita, eat an entire pizza, and down a pint of ice cream." I was bummed, I had zero confidence, and I was at my tiniest. Ew, thanks, but no thanks. I've found my happy weight, which is definitely more than my unhappy weight, less than where I'm at now, and getting back to it is one goal of mine this year. There's an entire beautiful continent between way too many margaritas, pizza, and ice cream, and way too few. Sounds like a hot, tropical place I need to visit. Maybe I'll wear a bikini and order a Skinny Margarita once I get there.
• I will continue on my quest to make "Do what you love, and the money will follow" come true.
• I will walk the walk. I'm a huge proponent of giving back, but I haven't done my share. Not nearly enough. Why didn't I volunteer last year? At all? WTF. I'm pissed at myself for lapsing... As an aside, I have mixed feelings about publicizing good deeds. On the one hand, I believe it's good to promote helping those in need, especially to those who may be on the fence. On the other hand, I'm not (the wonderful) George Clooney. I'm actually so far from him, it's like he's an alien life form. After all, I don't have a huge audience that could be transformed and provoked to take action and make a difference. I'm someone with a tiny, albeit beautiful, audience of eleventeen who prolly does a whole lot more for the greater good than I do. All of this said, I'm going to make the effort. I want to help where I'm needed, and I want my monkeys to know how to help, too. I'm on it.
• I will praise the people I love more often, especially my gorgeous hubby. Though we may differ in opinion and attitude from time to time... Where I may be the Deborah to his Raymond, the Oscar to his Felix, the James Carville to his Mary Matalin... All of that is fine (except on the first Tuesday of November). I was just so lucky to have found Ang, who actually digs that I'm "me." His gift to me this Christmas, in addition to hugging me tight (and being randomly seriously happy, after throwing his back out) while sleeping on a rather small bed in the room right next door to his in-laws for over a week during the holidays, was a bound book of all of my blog posts from 2010. He also gave one to his parents, and another to my parents, and spoke with such pride when each of them opened up their gifts. Not sure I deserve all of that, but I was definitely touched, nonetheless...
• I will read my uncle's book. I detest it when people (surgeons, Peace Corps workers, the armed forces, people going through tough times, etc., aside) use the excuse: "I don't have time." Eff that. Find something better to say and stop hurting people's feelings, dammitt. Ultimately, people make the time for what they choose to do. I went to my family's reunion in Boston last week and spoke with my uncle who published a phenomenal book last year aaaaand, I did it. I uttered the bullshit sentence: "I've got your book and, when I have time, I'm going to read it." Arrgh, Jenster: Make the time! (Thank you, Sybil.) After all, if your own family won't put things down for a while to lend support and, ultimately, praise and backing, well then, who will? Geez. (Starting the book tonite. I'm hearing it's racy, smaht, and becoming a huge hit. Can't wait!)
• I'm going to be more confident. I will start trusting in my abilities and stop focusing on my (myriad) disabilities: "So Jen? You put a huge foot directly into your mouth with a client, fed your kids hotdogs for the third day in a row, and didn't realize your sweater had dried schmegs on it all day? Whatevs. Your friends and family kick some serious ass and you make a freakin' legit potato salad." (That scenario's just an example. I have oh-so many more... A few don't even involve shmeg. A lot involve potato salad, however.)
• Somehow, maybe I can find one millionth the amount of courage and strength that my friend Heather has.

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Here, in no particular order, are some pix I took during the holidays. As per usual, I took about 1,000; approximately 14 came out in focus; and I chose to publish a few more here on Blogsville. Fuzzy is the new black, as they say...

FL: Florida cousins (Monkeys + Uncle Joe's daughter, Adrianna)

 NY: AJ is completely in love with his cousin, David.

 Christmas Day: Watching "Despicable Me" while hippity-hopping and Gator Golfing

 AJ relaxing

 I think Ang missed shoveling.

 First Snow Day

 First Snow Angel

 First Snow Haul

 I missed my town.

 I mean, seriously, where else can you get alpacas, snow, farms, beautiful scenic sunsets... Ok, you had me at alpacas.

 Heading up the "big hill"

 More Daddy-Lila snow love

 Ang, AJ, Lila, and my gorgeous niece Kirstie

 Boston. Family reunion. Fuzzy picture. Great energy.

 I love my family.

 Arm wrestling

 Cousins: Rafi (mom's sister Sue's daughter), Sarah (mom's brother Alan's daughter), Lily (mom's sister Kate's daughter)

 My beautiful friend Penny

 AJ enchanted with the "claw game" at our fave haunt, the Black Duck (Westport, CT)

 Saugatuck Island Smile, Part I

 Saugatuck Island Smile, Part II

 Snowy Slide

 Snowy Swing

 89th Snow Angel

 Pretty monkey at Mommy's fave restaurant in Westport, CT (Tavern on Main)

Ang visiting his friend, Jonathan...



I'm not in shape. I don't make much money, nor do I walk the walk all the time. My praise for others needs to be louder, my excuses valid, confidence real, and my strength bigger. Hmmmn... Not too shabby, I say... I'm in a good place. I've got goals, and I'm going to kick that ball (into the right net) and make things happen. Not gonna play goalie anymore.

H e r e ' s   t o   s c o r i n g   g o a l s   i n   2 0 1 1 !