On Romance

I don't care what I see outside. My vision is within!

Here is where the birds sing! Here is where the sky is blue! ~ George Emerson, "A Room With A View"

I am sitting here, alone, in my bedroom. It's 11:04pm on a Saturday night and I'm listening to Ingrid Michaelson, A Fine Frenzy, Glen Hansard, Moby... Ang is away on business and the monkeys are sleeping. Stella is snoring, and apparently dreaming about whatever it is that makes dogs smile... And I'm thinking about this wonderful life and the romance of it all. All of the feelings and moments that bring me to my knees, make me sob uncontrollably, laugh hysterically, stand in awe, and allow me to be free... Happy.

I used to have some pretty wild Saturday nights. I think I'm allowed to say that I'm actually quite bored right now. I'm wishing for Ang to come home, along with our dearest friends, a few cases of Corona, and an FBI-approved babysitter. But that said, it's nice to have time to reflect on life's romantic moments - and I'm not talking about the ones I share with Ang. (I'll keep that kind of romantic stuff to myself, thank you very much.) smile

I'm talking about feeling life, living in the moment, finding the romance in moments...
Lila keeps asking me when she'll meet her prince. Every now and then she says AJ's the chosen one, but normally she's pretty damn steadfast in her search for the perfect partner outside of our four walls. For her three-year-old self. Wow, that need comes early, I never knew... I guess it's inherent. And she will meet her prince some day and it will be wonderful. But what's beautiful today is seeing both of them skip around and dance and sing made-up songs like, "I love you, I love Stella, I love me, I love the walls, I love this table, I love my undies...!" Always good to be positive, I say. And maybe it's just me, but I find romance there.

Now it's 11:29pm and I'm not editing what I'm writing, so I'm guessing this all sounds disjointed, at best. In a nutshell: I think it's wonderful to be swept up in the everyday romantic moments.I never want to let go of my romantic self. I forget about her sometimes, lost in the mundane moments, but I can usually find her smiling up at me from the surface. The one who cries at movies like:

"The Crush": I have never cried harder than during the scene when Andie McDowell's character has been silently going through the motions of grief after her greatest love dies, and finally succumbs to it, collapsing in the schoolyard. Ohh...

...though "In the Gloaming" gave that scene a run for its money during, well, the entire movie. A mom loving her son and finally getting to know him better while he's at home, dying of AIDS. So sad and loving and romantic at the same time. There's a scene where the nurse tells the mom (Glenn Close) of the dying man something like, "Did you know that mothers fall in love with their sons", in the non-Oedipal and most beautiful way. Amazing. So sad, so good. The kind of thing to make one love life even more by realizing how truly precious it is. And how relationships are complicated and, sometimes, glorious...

Yes. "Tangled" got to me... Beautiful. This may sound odd, but... there's a scene toward the end where Eugene embraces Rapunzel, and his arm around her along with the way he looks so entirely happy and complete, well... God, it's beautiful. Romance at its finest. (I get it, it's a cartoon. But, that scene just made me so happy.)

And in my mind, there is no lovelier, more real "story" of love than "Once." No Hollywood ending here. Real, raw, sad, musical, honest, simple, complex, wonderful.

I fall into love with life all over again when presented with:

Boston in the snow. So romantic.

The Little Girl Giant. Hauntingly beautiful.

This absolutely gorgeous song...

My parents appreciating a "romantic" moment.

After Ang's team had won the softball game, he turned to me during pictures and called me over for this photo... Like it wasn't a real win unless we were all there. Together. That is so romantic to me...

And the bunnies... AJ filled up a bag with ice on his own and asked Lila where, exactly, she needed it for her bruised leg. So simple, but took my breath away. Romance. A little tiny version of it, as far as my definition of it all goes...

There's romance in the everyday, I tell you... I don't think I'm wasting time by always being on the lookout for it.

Do I love you because you are beautiful,

Or are you beautiful because I love you?

~ Richard Rogers and Oscar Hammerstein II, Cinderella