I haven't written in awhile. I miss it, but each time I've tried to write this past month, I've found I don't have anything exciting to say. Or at least, so says Outer Jen, who tries constantly not to waste your time. In my head, there are verses and chapters and stories. My mind travels to different countries, humming along to Indian music, shopping in Italy, dining in Manhattan... And then my body travels to Target. I have conversations with Ellen Degeneres that are both humorous and witty. I've pranced around to bongo drums with Matthew McConnoughey. I've written a best-selling novel, finished a screenplay picked up by Greenlight, and created a perfume that actually does smell like an outdoor firepit by the ocean.AJ: Is it your birthday? / Me: Yep. / Lila: How many are you? / Me: 42. / AJ: Happy Birthday, Mommy! / Me: Thank you! / Lila: [placing her hand on my wrist, serious expression. Pausing.]: That is not a lot. That is good. You are pretty and you are always crazy. This is good.
I, myself, have unspoken conversations involving my appreciation for chiaroscuro, and think of ways it could be artistically used in congruence with believable, unposed photography. I have no clue what to think about what's going on in Egypt, but I know that I want desperately to know one hell of a lot more than I do right now. I want to have knowledge that's not just from my daily newspaper. I imagine what it would be like to be a next-door neighbor of Tom Robbins'. I wax on about waxing. (Seriously, never done it. Scared. Ingrigued.) I'm a Realtor, but I wonder what it's like to kick serious ass at being a really good one. And what job will be the one I do eventually kick serious ass at.
Soo, anyway... I've been thinking.
We've been to a bunch of kiddo birthday shindigs in the past month. One each Saturday, to be exact, for four weeks in a row. And through all of the treasure box painting, balloon twisting, picture frame decorating, and jungle gym climbing, I'm constantly surprised with AJ and Lila in these differing social settings. Not, perhaps, because their behaviour is in any way surprising, but maybe because I'm surprising myself. I never knew parenting could be this tough. I never knew it could be this freaking great. And I never knew how early on we all are who we are...
AJ is going to be cautious, overzealous, and shy. It's who he already is. Lila will be pensive, positive, and will take things personally. It's who she already is. She'll tell stories, AJ will act some of them out.They're both sweet, talkative, goofy, love music, test patience, and are extremely affectionate. That's who they are. And I've got ZERO to do with it. But, I can embrace all of it, squander it, ignore it, balance it, flaunt it, hate it, love it, join it, share it... So much I can do, it's overwhelming the choices I have... I can also guide them to be the best "them" they can be. Lots to do, with little time. If I plan on being 100, I only have 58 years left.
What I can do (today) is be honest with my thoughts, at the very, very least...
- I was going to base this post on "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy's" view that 42 is the answer to the universe. 42 = My New Age. It could have been clever. But, aside from the fact that I dug Physics in high school and never missed an episode of the X-Files, well... I would have been acting as a Sci-Fi poser, which would not be genuine, which can never be good.
- The 16-year-old me would have been INSANE for Justin Bieber. I'm already a Belieber at 42, so...
- Talking about celebrities, Jen Aniston and I share the same birthday and I adore her. Being 42 with her is just plain cool, so. Take that, younger peeps. (Forget the fact she spent her birthday in NYC and the following week somewhere on an island with friends. Vicarious, people. That's where I went...)
- And again with the celebrities, why is it that adult heterosexual men don't like Lady Gaga, but everyone else does? It's just a question... Heard it on NPR today that it's something like the Madonna complex. Not sure what it's all about, but interesting to consider... when you're bored...
- My husband is in Barcelona Spain "as we speak" and my jealousy is eating a hole through these computer keys right now. I have another life that includes world travel. Except now, three other really cool people are involved. I'm OK with that. Let's all go. We're a family. But, let's really get on that plane and go... How on earth can we all know if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about if we don't travel and find out for ourselves? I need to show my monkeys, and me, how to be globally thoughtful and knowledgeable. It's starting to upset me when my kids think we can get whatever we need at Target.
- Religion (should)= not judging
- I need to stop thinking blog posts need to be long to be engaging.
Lila being free (Not sure why, but God do I love this pic...)