Posted by

Boys and Girls

AJ: Lila, maybe you are my princess.
Lila: You are my PRINCE, AJ!
AJ: Yes, Lila! I am your prince!!
Lila: Oh... and I am your princess.
AJ: Yes, Lila. Maybe you are my princess...

Multiply this conversation by eleven and you will have any given morning around here. The afternoons come with such banter, plus theatrics. Nighttime entails said royalty to engage in a good old fashioned medieval smackdown. On the couch, on the lanai, jumping from bed to bed, no matter... Blood, sweat, and tears fly freely on just an ordinary Thursday around here. My takeaway from it all? There's a prince, a princess, bad manners, good fun, and no winner or loser as far as the eye can see...

The recent J.Crew controversy regarding pink toenail polish and a 5-year-old boy has me thinking a lot about gender roles... who hands 'em out, why people do and don't adhere to them, and the women and men who give a damn, (and the ones who don't). I've painted AJ's toenails blue before. He picked out this one particular shade of sparkly navy specifically because it reminded him of Buzz Lightyear. I think the next time we may go for a green. Lila consistently picks out bubble gum pink, simply because it's peeeeenk!!!! My kids are, at this point in their 3-year-old careers of living life, employing pretty basic "normal" gender roles. Do I care if they adhere to them? It's an interesting question...
I one-hundred percent, wholeheartedly, without a doubt, no question, and "I'm not freaking kidding here" want them to be happy, to be kind, and to live long lives accomplishing whatever it is in this world they want to do and be. I don't know where on earth gender roles figure into that wish...
I want AJ to continue opening doors for women and men, proclaiming: "Look at me, I'm a gentleman!" I think it'll be even cuter and funnier twenty years from now when he's 23...
I want Lila to continue telling people what makes her happy. To be pissed off, and let it be known, when she's been let down. To refuse help when she (thinks she) can do the task at hand her damn self, thank you very much. And to love the color pink, even though her mommy's not a huge fan...
I always want AJ to beckon Lila over for more hugs...
and I want Lila never, ever, ever to hold off from giving the big fat amazing bear hugs she already loves to give...
AJ knows what it's like to have a strong partner...
...as does Lila Bean...

What matters to me is, toenail polish and judgements aside, did you find love today? Did I? Did my children? Where was Love?... hiding where you least expected it? Right there where you always knew it would be? And if you were lucky enough to find it, very hopefully... did you get a hug back?
Life's way too short. Let's go find those hugs.
 Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that ~ Michael Leunig
Email Post

Comments

SwedishJenn said…
Wow..another fab post from a fab you. Gender roles. Oy. That's a toughie for me. As much as I proclaim my support for (to quote The GaGa) "gay, straight or bi, lesbian, transgendered life" , I secretly, beneath it all, hope and pray our son walks the straight and narrow. Because I can only imagine how tough it continues to be for those that are born that way. Though, if he did end up loving another man, my love for him would never falter. Not for a second. I am 100% sure of that. But yet, or so,...I find myself 100% relieved that our son loves dinosaurs, the colour brown and shuns pink and anything "girlie". For now of course. And here in Sweden, the whole issue of gender roles is avant-guarde. A few examples: In our son's small preschool, there are a brother and sister with two mommies and a brother and two sisters with just one Mommy. That Mommy is a lesbian with no partner who has flown to Denmark 3x for artificial insemination. Some of these boys wear purple snowsuits. There is a little "kid" in my son's music class with a gay dad. This kid wears pink pants and pink Crocs. I just found out his name is Johannes (typical Swedish boy name). How many times have you cooed at a cute newborn on the street and can't figure out if it's a boy or a girl because Mommy or Daddy or Mommy and Mommy or Daddy and Daddy or just Mommy didn't assist you with gender identification through the deployment of standardized pink or blue? Good luck in Sweden. I remember my shock when our son came home one day wearing flowery socks (no spares left in his bag). And his father's horror the day I painted his toenails (at my son's request). I keep reminding myself, and my hubby, that to stifle any desire for "girlie things" could push him further in that direction. So we try to sit back calmly when those situations arise. But it's hard. What on earth am I trying to say here? I guess this post shook me a bit so I'm letting my insecurities hang out. Am I trying, in my way, to prevent our son from being gay? Yes. Can I? Not a chance. Because I wholeheartedly believe people are born that way. Would I love him any less if one day he introduced me to his boyfriend? No way. In the end, I, like you, want only the best for him: health and happiness, high heels or warrior paint included.
April 15, 2011 at 2:06 AM
Post a Comment

Popular Posts