Everyday

Spend the afternoon. You can't take it with you ~ Annie Dillard

I can't be the only one who thinks the saddest of the sad possibilities that the everyday might bring. Tears wet my cheeks too often as I ponder what I could lose if something happened. My history of knowing and loving people has been peppered with bad news and sad results. I've had enough questionable medical tests to never take life for granted (again). And I am flattened regularly by my thoughts of what could transpire.

Motherhood knocked me out like a sucker punch. I always picture a drunk in a bar, just innocently sitting atop his stool in pleated acid washed jeans... inquiring of the cute brunette who's winning the Sox game and immediately receiving a direct punch in the neck by her steroid enhanced boyfriend. Just like him, I didn't see it coming. I could never have imagined how visceral the images of danger, loss, sickness, sadness et al. would enter my mind at any given moment upon giving birth. And not because I'm morose or in any way a Debbie Downer. I think it just comes with the territory of being a mom. Sweet.

Hell, I don't know what's going to happen the next day (moment), just like that acid-washed denim clad gent has no idea what will befall him from one day to the next. (Why do I continue to use that poor, mystical man from the '80s? Freud?) It's such an odd place to be in ~ having these beautiful, wonderful, healthy children, and constantly being worried that something will happen.

And so it's, strangely enough, these very thoughts that end up lifting me. Because I know that, for the very fact I have so much to lose, I am blessed...

If I'm worried from one moment to the next about the safety and happiness of Lila and AJ, I need to put twice as much effort into embracing the magnitude of the good. For the times I am despondent about the terrors that could befall us, I cannot believe my luck that we were destined to live together as a family at the very same moments in time. This is my serendipity. This overcomes my fears. The blessing trumps the scare, and I am ultimately so, so happy...

In the everyday, this one loves to skip...

...and this one loves to make funny faces.

She loves to read catalogues! (Mini Boden's a fave.)

...and enjoys dining with friends, as well.

AJ could eat an apple fritter every single day.

His smile has no match...

...and they put up with Mommy asking them to smile every day.

In the everyday, we draw upon the past,

look to the future,

and score.

I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief.... For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free ~ Wendell Berry, "The Peace of Wild Things"

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