jazzy little clip

I am what I do. I'm hair.
~ Jonathan Antin, hair stylist and star of Blow Out on Bravo
OK, Jonathan, that would make me groceries. And kids and marketing and mac 'n cheese and bracelets and real estate and Star magazine and one hell of a lot of dirty laundry, and the now-and-again embarassing social faux pas(es?). Wait, maybe it's: "I am what I do. I'm grab bag."

Actually, I am hair, too! On Sunday, I cut AJ's and Ang's hair. While my (twice-a-year-boo) Jen haircuts are relaxing and luxurious events set to hip background music, chic hair stylists dressed in all-black ensembles, and cool drinks of iced tea (and on lucky Thursday nights, a glass or two of wine), this is definitely not the ambience set forth for my poor victims the men in my life. Let me replay AJ's recent haircut scenario for you:

So, it's the end of June in Naples, Florida, and the time was high noon. I am approximating here, but I imagine the atmospheric conditions were similar to that of Nairobi or Death Valley. (Though, it may have been a tad more humid here.) AJ's cute little thighs were sticking to the plastic cushion of the high chair and he was refusing any sort of smock or bib. For that matter, he was also refusing to sit still or in any way embrace the impending haircutting doom. But, since his recent 'do was making him a strong contender for a new season of "Growing Up Gotti", it was time.

We were all outside for haircutting cleanliness purposes. Entirely disregarding that, well... we are not clean, nor are any one of us true haircutters. I digress. Even with the help of the fan, sweat was dripping down my nose. Ang and Lila were sitting cheek to sweaty cheek, sipping on OJ and staring through a Sahara-like haze. AJ had, strangely enough, chosen jazz as his music of choice for the event, so Music Choice was showcasing an oddly depressing array of smooth jazz tunes. I was secretly lamenting the fact that I had opted out of purchasing authentic styling shears way-back-when and, instead, had opted in for the Walgreens $6.99 "Haircut Scissors." Each snip entailed 4-7 course, sawing-motion maneuvers. The clippers, if I remember correctly, came free with aforementioned scissors, so they produced a frighteningly grating sound, in addition to the errant full-on clump-of-hair snag. Oh right, and I was working on a moving, sweaty, and extremely uncooperative subject. Brilliant.

AJ now looks like one of those Lifetime movie characters who furiously chops his hair over a seedy hotel room sink because he's running from the authorities. AJ's saving grace is that he is quite cute. And that he has yet to catch on to the mirror trick of viewing the back of one's head. Whew. Once he understands the full aesthetic impact of a great haircut, I figure he'll either be an angst-ridden teen yearning for long, angst-ridden locks, or he'll speak up to Miss Kim on Wednesday at daycare and say: "Tell Mommy no more bad haircuts. And, for that matter, Louis Armstrong and Count Basie are my preferred jazz listening choices, if you really want to know."

Jazz is... One of life's greatest gifts: fun found within surprise.
An open-ended music designed for open minds.
~ authors unknown
h a p p y   t u e s d a y !


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